and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
