apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
