end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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