Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's blow job season.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
