i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Acid is not a monday night drug
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
