Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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