I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
