yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
