look no pants
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
