don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
