I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
