you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
