omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
two words: eviction party
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He shit in the fireplace
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