Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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