If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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