my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
