So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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