My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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