Someone shit on the floor
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
