She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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