just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
