dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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