Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
