So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
