You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
