the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
