I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
