I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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