I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
