i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
