Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
