how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
