I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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