We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
