I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
