I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
