It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
