what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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