was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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