ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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