so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
