hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
