pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
