His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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