I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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