the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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