She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
