Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
