I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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