I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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