win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
