Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
