I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
