Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
