She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
