I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
