arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
